O God, do not keep silence; do not hold your peace or be still, O God!
Psalm 83:1

“I like you, you don’t talk much,” were the words my grandmother (on my mother’s side) told my wife, Heather, when they first met. She meant it very sincerely. Both my parents come from large families. My mom and my dad were each one of six children. Growing up, shouting was more like speaking with a normal volume if you wanted to be heard at all. Silence was never to be found unless no one was home. Thoughts were out in the open without much filtering. My sister and I grew up where we always talked openly and often about everything.

When Heather and I were married, I quickly learned how loud I could seem to those who were not used to that environment. She had a very quiet home life. Silence was golden. In the first months of our marriage she would say, “Why are you always yelling?” and I would say, “This is my regular voice.” I had to learn to scale back my speech and she learned how much I needed her to speak up. When she came to family gatherings her ears would be ringing. I learned how much she needed and valued silence and she learned how much I needed and valued chatter. Over the years, we’ve grown to love and cherish our differences. We’ve also changed a lot.

I still struggle with silence, but not as much as I used to. Raising our four children we’ve watched as different personalities suffer or thrive with silence. For two of our four, silent treatment would be the worst kind of punishment. The others would see it as a reward and retreat.

When God is silent, we feel alone and isolated. When our prayers are not answered as we had hoped it feels as though God is not present. When we petition God in prayer we want action and immediacy. Silence in the spiritual life is a real struggle. Prayer is a matter of faith. Do we trust him with our prayers? Do we trust him if he is silent? Walking “by faith and not by sight” means that we will not always see or fully understand what God is doing when we pray. We need to remind each other that God still hears and he still cares even when our circumstances may say otherwise. As the prophet Isaiah wrote, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD” (Isa. 55:8). Trusting God through the silence will be one of the best things you can ever do in your life and when God does speak, listen and follow his voice.